#57 Moving on
Against logic, we're moving out.
We will be 10 min away, in order to continue providing the care to his parents, but with distance and space to think my own thoughts and be a person.
Laugh when happy, yell when outraged, cry when sad—for the last two months, I did none of that.
When I wasn't giving the physical care, I was defending reality, validating my actions, questioning my own emotions.
Gradually, to avoid drama, I played their game. Instead of paying attention, I said 'yayaya' to everything. Instead of solving problems, I just kept up with the inventory. Instead of curiosity, I turned blind and deaf. I died a little less than I would being myself. The attacks, overt or covert, lessened. I no longer recognise this person I had to become in order to survive each day.
Fridge, washer, microwave, induction cooker, 2 seater couch purchased and due for delivery the day after we get our keys next week. From this shell of a home, we'll be moving a 2nd hand mattress we're sleeping on, plus 2 backpacks and a trolley we brought from Singapore.
Every beakie deserves a loving home. Every single beakie is coming with us.
Definitely hoping to resume the weekly schedule of this letter, IG and beakie making. Fingers crossed I get my head screwed back on once I have room to laugh and cry.
marn